Unlike some “peace mongers,” the Lama encourages us to be proactive (yet realistic) in addressing negativity (and evil). He does not believe that all the world needs is a big hug, just a large dose of reality.
In the book, he lays out a process for addressing prejudice, racism or the destructive “us versus them” attitude. First, attempt to increase awareness of the disadvantages of the negative attitude. Especially in our local communities, an “us versus them” attitude is unhealthy for our own self and families, not to mention holding back our community spirit or ethos. Next, the Lama challenges the beliefs that the negative attitude is based upon. The Lama believes that these attitudes are a result of conditioning – or picked up from our cultures, upbringing and surroundings. As in “happiness”, the Lama believes that these negative perceptions can be changed or reconditioned. Think of people moving to different parts of the world or even kids going off to college. Their world can be turned upside down, but so can their perception on life.
I often tell the story of my college experience, leaving the safe haven of rural Minnesota for the University of Minnesota. To learn that people from different religions and parts of the world were so similar to me was a real eye opener. Going to bed at night discussing the similarities between the Bible and Koran was a priceless exercise in what the Lama is explaining. Likewise, I had the same experience with my Jewish friends, whom all I knew previously is that their ancestors were responsible for killing Jesus.
In addition, I would add a third step to the Lama’s recipe for fighting the “us versus them” forces of the world: Actively challenging our own inherent prejudices and negative feelings and discussing them openly. If we don’t teach our children and neighbors how to talk about these issues, someone else will. Unfortunately, most of the current discussion is negative, which is then parroted by others. It is crazy when I hear my children mimic back comments that either I or other adults have made. Knowing this fact, we should coach our children by positive example.
To his further credit, the Lama identifies excessive political correctness as a deterrent to addressing prejudice, or unhappiness. We should not allow societal pressure to shun us from discussing these important topics openly. Having personal contact with others and discussing and understanding each other’s lives will have the effect of us seeing each other as individuals – not us versus them. Likewise, it is important to remember that prejudice can be a two way street – we must be aware that others may have prejudices or preconceived views making us the “them” in their lives.
I am a firm believer that promoting more “community” connections can help overall happiness. A community can be a neighborhood, church, sports team, coffee group, or just a line of random people at the grocery store. Try it some time at the Wal Mart check out line. In Minnesota, talking about the weather, the Twins or the Vikings is always a simple community unifier that breaks the bonds of individualism and creates and impromptu community. If you are visiting another community, try the same thing with a topic of local interest. Showing an interest in their personal or community unifier often sparks their spirit of connectivity and changes the entire interaction.
I recall the story of when I was in high school working at Schultz’ full-service gas station on I-90 in Jackson. One night, a truck and trailer from out of State broke down and had to be towed into the station. They were pulling a load of cattle, which of course needed to be taken care of. The out-of-towners asked me if I knew anywhere that would allow the cattle to be bedded while they fixed the problem. My community instincts kicked in and I realized that my own family farm would be the perfect solution. A quick call home, and my family cleared out a pen, put down some straw, hooked up the trailer and these foreign cattle were treated better than us kids. A simple story, but one that illicits the feeling the Lama describes.
If we view each of our interactions as an opportunity to build a positive community, no matter how small, we will have made made a huge contribution in making the world a better place. We don’t have to change the world to change our world.
I have often marveled at how broad one’s sense of community can expand as you travel further from home. The two summers I spent in Washington, D.C., I would have an immediate connection with anyone from the Midwest – we felt commonality. Anyone with actual connections to Minnesota was like a long lost family member. There was actual pride, and instant trust between us. Travelling overseas is similar – American’s, or in some cases, anyone who speaks English is a worthy dinner companion.
On a simplistic level, the Lama asks us to visualize this sense of community and use it as a model to help ourselves, our neighbors and our human neighborhood. While reading this book, I had a dream and woke up with these words in my head, “commonality is the greatest equalizer” (3/21/2010). If we look beyond just our differences, we may find that we have more in common with others than we expect. This also means being self-aware of our circumstances and helping others see challenges as an opportunity to overcome or solve– rather than as a roadblock or dead-end to a life objective or happiness.
The Chapter captioned, “Hope, Optimism and Resilience” is probably my favorite chapter in the whole book. My favorite quote is as follows: “Optimism does not mean that you are blind to the actual reality of the situation. It means that you always maintain a positive spirit so that you remain motivated to seek a solution to any given problem.”
When I recently went shopping to buy this book as a present, I was intrigued by how difficult it was to categorize. My unsuccessful attempt to find this book in Albert Lea led me through the self-help and inspirational sections. At the Barnes and Noble at the MOA, I eventually found the book in the “Eastern Religion” section – an odd location for a book on changing the world.
Yet, I struggled with how to categorize this book as well -- "Promoting Happiness" is the best I came up with. A little flowery? Yes. Accurate and probably necessary in today's confused world? Definitely.
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